Good days and Bad Days. Mother always said...

Today was a good day for programs. After completing a training workshop, participants are out applying what they learned with flying colors. Really felt good about that today. Spent a little too much time in the sun monitoring their work, but came home with a smile on my face.

Then the emails came...

I am on my last nerve with regards to my living situation in El Fasher. I have a room with four walls and no closets of any kind. I mentioned before that I have no living room or dinning room. Just a bedroom and a separate kitchen and bathroom. What I have not shared perhaps is that the bedroom is not yet furnished. I have been using the window seals to stack my clean clothing and my suitcases to house my dirty laundry. A promise was made to purchase a cabinet and decent bed (mine is made of strings stretched across a metal frame and a thin cotton mattress that you could squeeze in two with one hand), a table, and dinning room furniture for that future date when a team would build an outdoor structure to lounge about on my ever elusive time off.

But nothing appeared. No furniture was purchased and when I returned from my short break in May, I decided to buy a cabinet to finally unpack my clothes after 5 months of being in Darfur. I had received permission to use program funds to do so, since all other ex-pats have been alloted furnished apartments and mine is the only unfurnished residence. Long story short, I received two emails today explaining that I should not have made the decision to purchase the item, that my taste may not match the next occupant of the room, that I did not follow procurement procedures (which apparently must take at least one year), and that I must reimburse the organization for using project funds.

Now what do you call an organization that expects 110% from its employees but gives less than 20% in the form of support? I am really at a loss for words. The first thing that leaps to mind is to give notice and wait for a replacement to take over. I did not sign up to put out these many hours with literally no support from headquarters or from the local team.

Non negotiable

Now I know that none of this is done with any malice but it nonetheless leaves me with no support and it is difficult to give all my attention to a job when I cannot sleep at night and cannot get settled. Just a few months ago, the head office informed me that I could no longer ask the Sudan office in Khartoum to help book my flights. The memo also stated that this was a final decision that was not open to negotiation. I replied that I would need to buy a 400 dollar RT ticket to fly to Khartoum to book my ticket and then stay in a 150 dollar a night hotel while waiting for my return flight. In short, it would cost me nearly 600 dollars to book a ticket. Three days later, I was informed that the memo had been rescinded.

That in itself tells me that my organization just does not have a clue about who we are and what we are experiencing on the ground. Not sure who is charged with that responsibility but it is clear that we are not getting through.

Not sure how I will feel about this in the morning - seeing as I do not get a good night's sleep here - but I sent a very strongly worded email about my situation and sought clarity about how soon I should expect resolution. Giving notice still seems like a good idea. The organization took five months to get someone to fill my position. I have just 6 months left on this contract before I am asked if I will be renewing for an additional nine months. The kind thing would be to give notice now and then give them a January date by which to find a replacement. Six months is a long time. It will be interesting to see how I feel in the morning about all this, especially when I read the response to my email.

The situation in Chad continues to boil with lots of new clashes (click here for more news) and big talk on the government and rebel side. Here in Fasher the situation is quiet.

Thanks for reading my rant of the day.